it hurts more in the daytime
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
