I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
