If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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