We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
