i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
