i jhust puked up my retainher.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
