Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
