am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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