yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
