I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize