you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
