He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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