You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
