I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want a musical about memes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
