your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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