One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
