I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
