somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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