Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
