I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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