using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
