We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever