I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
