Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.