you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
