Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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