Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
