trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
