At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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