So drunk its hurt
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize