I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
