That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
