You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am spending my child support on dildos
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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