I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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