she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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