If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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