Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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