I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
