I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The beer is more important than you right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
