Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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