Cold hands, warm shart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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