Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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