Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
