the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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