Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Let the clothes fall where they may.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
