So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...