You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.