I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.