i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.