he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"