remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP