If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
