I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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