it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
