I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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