captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
