hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
