what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
