Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
