I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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