I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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