he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
