I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize