I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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