I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
