it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize