When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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