Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
