What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
