the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
