Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
