U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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