I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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