do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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