is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
