We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
