Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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