I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
