I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
