Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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