so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
