it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
