Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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