it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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