I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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