It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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