I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need water and some morals
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
