My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
