Already got asked if we're dating
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
