my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
