You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
