I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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