I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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