I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
are you so shy because you have an std?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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